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“Death is only the beginning “

I read this somewhere and did not understand its meaning until now. Death is the beginning of an unknown journey and so is the beginning of the intense grief and sorrow for the loved ones. I recently lost my sister, friend, teacher and mentor, my dear Vinita Chechi. I still don’t understand why I’m writing this. May be it is my desperate mind trying to redeem the debt of not being with her on her deathbed.

It came as a dirty surprise. No one expects death, do they? I was scrolling the Twitter time line when I was struck with this conversation. I didn’t believe it until I heard from her family. I don’t know if there is a word that would convey what was going on in my heart then. I was so overwhelmed. The person to whom I used to chat daily for the last two-three years but a month before is no more. How could someone take news like that? Especially when you never knew that she was sick.

It started off with a normal twitter conversation. But she found a place in my heart soon. Such a kindhearted and loving person she was. One could hardly find such a friend these days. It was one my difficult times in my life. A point where I stood on the road deprived of everything I earned not knowing where to go. She came to my life as a guiding star. She showed me the path. Like an angel from heavens she pulled me out of the sea of grief and took me to the meadows of happiness. Needless to say, she became a mix of both, a sister and a mother to me.

We used to talk of everything. It ranged from day-to-day happenings to any topic under sun. She was really her Lord’s Angel. She wouldn’t complete a conversation without thanking her Lord. Once I asked about her future. She said that she gave it to her Lord to shape it up. Such intense she was in her belief.  She loved everyone, even the people who hurt her. She used to say, keep away from them; do not let them hurt you again.  She was very caring. She could detect the faintest tint of sadness in us very easily. Like I said, the times we met, I was going through some major emotional turnarounds. She used to comfort me every time we talked about it. Her words were like rain in a desert, so soothing and consoling. She seeked happiness, peace of mind and at most serenity in life and was very keen on spreading them.

Anything I tell about her would not be complete unless I mention the daughter, the wife, and the mother in her. She was a very family woman. Unlike some of us, she reserved a good deal of time for her family. I recall that she never came online on holidays. She chose to be with her family on those days. She liked cooking I believe. Often she said some day she would cook for me her specials. But time never allowed. Now that she is gone, I will never know how they tasted. If given a chance I will her why she never let me knew how sick she was. I would have rushed to her side and would have never pushed myself down into the lifetime agony of remorse. But then, I know her. She would never have wanted me to skip exams to be with her.

This is a great loss for me. I feel lonely after a long time. I am to understand that there is no more that supporting hand. I have to grow up and make my own decisions with no one to advise me.  I will miss her. I know she wouldn’t like me telling this. But I hate her Lord for taking her back from us. Especially when I think of poor Ammu her daughter who will grow up not knowing that she had such a wonderful person for a mother.

We never had much time together. The longest time I spent with her was with her lifeless body. Though we knew each other only for a little time, she gave me the love, attention and care to last a lifetime. Her love proved to me that blood is not a criterion in relations.  Life is never going to be the same anymore without her.

They say our loved ones watch us over from heaven. I believe she is watching me.  Only people leave us, memories remain as footprints on time, forever.